Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Frustrating

I believe that I am in the middle of a flare at the moment. Coincidentally I have my rheumatologist appointment tomorrow morning. I will talking with her about my latest and greatest symptoms that have shown up. Mostly my hip pain, eye sensitivity, and complete lack of energy.

The last of which I think I have a solution for. I am hoping that my rheumy. will allow me to up my dosage of vitamin D which seemed to greatly increase my energy last time I tried it. I'm not sure what she'll say to this.

In the mean time I am having a horrible time with my energy levels. Which is a great indication that I am in the middle of a flare. I am finding this particularly frustrating in regards to my work. In the past if I lacked energy I simply spent extra time on the couch. I can't do that this year as I have work to be at for two hours every day. Which does not sound like such a big deal. And it really isn't when I am feeling somewhat "normal". Now, however, it's been difficult.

In addition to my cafeteria monitor duty I have also continued my substitute aide work as well. I am having to turn down substitute work right now because I just don't have the energy for both my cafeteria job AND substituting. That is frustrating to me.

I have a tendency to push myself. Especially when it comes to work. I get myself into a horrible fit of guilt and convince myself that I could really push myself to go in to substitute. And, right now, if I let myself do this I would be found in a sweaty mess collapsed in the corner of one of the bathroom stalls at school. Yikes! That would, of course, freak everyone out. And would also guarantee that I wouldn't even be able to make it in for my cafeteria monitor duty either. For several days at least.

But then I feel guilty about not working when they need me. And then I try to convince myself that I should really push myself. And I get into a horrible fit of guilt and ....

OK, you get the picture, it's a horrible cycle.

Bleh! Here's hoping Dr. A has some suggestions!!







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