Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Patience and Pain

I'm discovering, or maybe rediscovering, that it's hard to have both pain and patience. The last weeks (since school started and I went back to work) have been rough on me. High pain and low energy levels, while working, don't leave much room for patience with my kiddo. Which is super frustrating for me as I know it's not fair to L, which adds a healthy dose of Mommy guilt to the whole situation. I feel a little as if I am coming unglued at the seems right now trying to stay on top of everything, while attempting to push my pain down, and still be the "same ol' mom" to my girly. Parenting is hard on a normal basis. Parenting with a chronic illness can be brutal.

Perhaps I need to learn something from what L wrote to me recently...

"I'm so sad about missing all the memories [we've made this summer]. But I just realized when I was writing the letter, you don't realize the memories your having right now. So I learned that you appreciate what is happen[ing] right now and think about those memories while you [are] have[ing] them."

I guess I need to let go of my fear of letting things slip, try to look through the pain, and just be in the moment. And remember to "appreciate what is happening right now". My girly. Such a smartie for an eight year old!!

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