Monday, January 26, 2015


I recently experienced an awful migraine. It left my head pounding, my neck hurting, and dealing with bouts of nausea.

While I was dealing with this my little lovey girl brought me a blanket, tucked me in with a blanket to snuggle under, and tried to ply me with mints to help keep the nausea away. 

After my migraine meds had finally done their job it left me with two clear (well as clear as a person can be, just coming off dealing with a migraine) thoughts.

Number one... It's absolutely amazing to me just how tired, dealing with pain, can make a person.

And number two... My daughter is going to make a wonderful mommy some day.

Monday, January 19, 2015

Weighing the Risks

I had a visit with my eye doctor the other day. Recently (or not so recently) I had begun to notice that I am having some vision issues. Not with not being able to see things, more with actually seeing more than I should. I guess explaining further would be helpful. Ahem.

It began about six months ago, while I was watching my daughter's soccer team practice. As I watched eleven of them running around the field I realized that most of them were dressed in some variation of pink.  They are seven, eight, and nine year old girls so that alone was not what concerned me. It was the fact that surrounding each pink piece of clothing was a blue shadow. As it was the first time this happened I just blew it off and went about my night chalking it up to me being tired or my body just being weird (As it has been known to do before. Be weird that is.). This wasn't a sudden thing and it wasn't every time so for awhile I didn't think anything of it, truthfully. And having dealt with my body doing odd things and then having it just go back to "normal" after awhile, I try not to be an alarmist about things. When it became noticeable most of the time I realized that I should probably do something about it. So I mentioned all this to my rheumatalogist who strongly recommended that I see my eye doctor. Which brings me back to the beginning again.

I go in every year for "eye mappings" due to the fact that I am on Plaquenil, which can lead to retina detachment. I was not due for my regular "eye mapping" until April, (To read more about this please read this post I previously wrote in February of 2012) however my doctor felt that it would be beneficial for us to do another one. The results showed that I have a small hemorrhage in one of my blood vessels (which could be nerve related as it was fairly close to a nerve) and there was also some slight discoloration in my cornea. The doctor said both things may or may not be causing the blue shadow to appear when I look at things that are pink. Though, he didn't seem to be very definitive about it. Either way, I am to return in three months time, when I will have another "eye mapping" done, to make sure that the hemorrhage is gone and to see if the discoloration of my cornea any worse.

This whole long story is to explain that I now, possibly, have a difficult decision to make for myself. The discoloration of my cornea could be happening because of my medication Plaquenil. It may mean that there is some damage being done. The next "eye mapping" should show us whether that is the case. And that is where my decision comes into place. If there is more signs of cornea discoloration I have to decide whether to continue with my Plaquenil treatment or stop it.

I have read many articles, lately, regarding Plaquenil and possible long term usage issues. My big problem with all of this is that Plaquenil has made all the difference for me. ALL the difference! I once had to go off of it to see if it could potentially be causing a heart palpitation problem. It wasn't, but those two loooong weeks were simply awful for me as far as pain levels and dryness go.

So it pretty much comes down to A. Stay on the medication and risk possible complications in my eyes. Or B. Go off it and have to deal with my body without Plaquenil. At what point does a patient decide whether it's worth the risk of adverse side effects if a medication really helps you? I'm not really sure which way I'll go on this.

Monday, January 12, 2015


This quote really spoke to me...

"Suffering is not the absence of goodness, it is not the absence of beauty, but perhaps it can be the place where true beauty can be known,” -Kara Tippetts

...Not particularly because I am or am not suffering tonight, but because I think that sometimes suffering has a way of bringing life into focus. It can help you see the beauty in things that often gets overlooked when everyone is so busy rushing through life.

Monday, January 5, 2015


Ah... ah... ah... CHOO!!!  I was sick recently. Surprisingly, that doesn't happen very often. When it does it's usually a pretty ugly week until I am starting to feel back to myself. This time I had a sinus infection take me down. Sneezing, and snotting, and sinus pressure, oh my! Bleh! I had two or three REALLY bad days when the only real movement I made was from the bed to the couch to the bathroom and back.

The first day that I started to feel even a little better was an answer to my prayers as it was a day that I couldn't "phone in" as a mom.  My girly had her Christmas program at school. That morning I was tasked with getting her extra ready for school. Girly dress, super fancy hair, and I even allowed her to have some of my lip gloss. She took so long that as we were leaving the house we watched her bus drive buy. Ugh! Worst. Feeling. Ever. Seeing that bus drive buy and knowing there's no way that your kid is going to be on it. So I let out a defeated sigh and piled my daughter, with her big bag of teachers Christmas presents, into the back of the car. And then I trudged back into the house for my purse. Limped would be a better word for it as my body had decided that it was super unhappy with me for being sick and so my arthritis wanted a part in making me miserable as well. I grabbed my sock monkey hat to cover my crazy-sick-hair that I had going on and shoved it on my head as I ran out the door.

About half way to L's school I realized that I was tired. T-i-r-e-d! Sleepy tired and the sluggish auto immune tired that I get as well. By the time I got my daughter to school my nose had decided to rebel against me and was actively trying to help all the snot, stuffed up in my sinus cavity, to meet with my upper lip. Ew. And that was about the time that I had to scrounge for some random fast food paper napkins, smelling like stale McDonalds, that I had once stuffed into the door of my car for "emergencies". Little did I know that I would be using them on my nose, which would feel like sand paper trying to take off the first few layers of my skin! Once that was taken care of I realized that my throat was also hurting and I remembered that I had just sent all the cough drops to school with my girly. A detour to CVS was called for.

As I crawled out of my car I fervently hoped that I wouldn't run into anyone at our community CVS. I limped down the cough isle of the store with my ratty yoga pants on. Hair was haphazardly sticking out my hat as it was somehow knocked crooked between school and my arrival at CVS. Or did I just put it on that way? Somewhere around the card isle, on my way to the register, I suddenly realized that I couldn't remember if I had even managed to put a bra on that morning before getting dressed. Did I? Or... didn't I?! Oh my goodness!!! Why did I NEED to go to CVS?! And, that was about the time my nose decided to start running again, with my sandpaper napkins in the car. So, I resorted to attempting to sniffling it back up my nose. As I hobbled up to the cashier he gave me a semi-horrified look and set about hastily ringing me up. I'm pretty sure he thought I was homeless.

Fortunately, I did not run into anyone I knew. And I had a few hours to get myself together before I had to go out into public again. Oh boy! I think next time me and my sock monkey hat will stay home!